Many years I have been here. So many memories with joy, I know they are there, but they are so painfully buried although they are what keeps me alive. I am losing the battle with my mind, pieces shattering off left and right. I sleep less and less yet dream more and more. The delirium I have been trapped in has not been anything I can even describe. Family is suffering with so much loss, I feel so helpless. Family is sick and again my helplessness is overwhelming, what can I do to save a life. My little friend I was helping grow, little hands and fee, sweet devious toddler smile, soft squishy cheeks, my little friend died right before me. A horrible tragedy a mistake that cost a life and ruined another. So much hate from humans this world makes me embarrassed and sick to be human. People are so disturbing and disgusting and mean and awful in so many ways I am at loss for even how to say..... My only haven is centered under such a dark cloud. I'm not safe inside, I'm screaming and running short of breath lost in a mist that surrounds me, choking me. I do everything every single thing I can to be a good and kind and loving person, I am not perfect no one can be. I want everyone to be happy and healthy and I want to spread love and be loved. Tears begin to flow uncontrolled. I know this place, it is my home, it is my blanket that wraps me warm and comforting, but it has changed. The good light has faded and the darkness encompasses peeling away the paint and leaving a rusty, dilapidated and soul tainting sight in front of me. What was my place is now my nightmare and pain rings through my body as I am shattered to my knees. I see someone before me, one whom I love, but the face is distorted and the flesh mangles the eyes no longer who I know. I cannot fight and I cannot put a stop to this, but I could run. I see as if shadowed in the demon coming for me, another soul, my friend, screaming for me to help and not to leave without. I cannot leave my friend. This demon terrifies me, and I am strong enough to run away, but I am forever trapped in this hell because I cannot leave my friend.